heart to heart

Assalamualaikum & hello.

It's a shame that a 26-year-old adult has no ability to control emotions that leads to a critical breakdown. I blame myself for being that person. I have to admit that I'm in the middle of..an inner crisis. Forgive me for my decision to be apart from you -temporarily. Yes, I know it sounds bad, but I have my own reasons of doing that not only to u, but to our relationship.

Why? I guess we both need to be alone in our zones. It's a better option and I know it won't -definitely it won't bring any harm to our relationship. At the end of every chapter in my life, at the end of everyday, you know you'll always be here -in my little heart, deep. too deep that I can't take you out and throw you away. Yes, dear. I'm not lying.

The only wish is to be away in a different world with no one except me. I'm trying to imagine myself far away from here, but with the presence of every single thing around me, it doesn't work out. Still, I need to move on with my life as if everything is normal. 

Being in confusion somehow gives me better concentration on myself. Perhaps, you feel the same way too. I let myself to think and reflect of all the things that we've gone through. I let myself to think the best solutions of each circumstance or issue that we face. I let myself to find ways not to be marked as  an immature person. 

I've been through a lot that I can't even put my feelings in words. Alhamdulillah, I'm able to stand up again and I'm healed. I just feel that love is a thrill. You fall in love, you feel happy, you share stories, you laugh, you cry and you're dumped. You get lost but once again, you're eager to seek for love again. But that's love; mysterious.

Forgive me for being harsh towards you. I don't mean to hurt your feelings. You have once told me and you feel that you're the victim. No you're not darling. The reason is,  I become more aware of things happen around me; I don't want to be a fool. And yes, I know you've tried your best to comfort me and win my heart. You respect me, you are willing to say 'sorry' even though it's not your mistake and you do things that you're supposed to do. There is nothing more that I ask from you because I know we're not perfect and I'm totally not a perfectionist.

That was how I felt few days ago. I have taken myself out of my zone and at this exact moment, I feel more comfortable with myself. I'm blessed to be given a chance to fall in love and embrace the beauty of love.

-and you are an island to discover.

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